Each day comes
With thoughts and news
Little things
To bring to you
Like gathering flowers
Picked as I go
I gathered them up
Waiting to show you
Funny or sad
Mundane or rare
Our daily existence
Always shared
Hearts intertwined
An unparalleled linked
Your fabric is mine
What I feel and think
A part of each other
Mother and child
Deepest connection
Melded for life
Agony now
Torn and raw
But enemy death
You are horribly wrong
This sacred love
It cannot die
It lives despite you
Separation’s a lie
Eternally bonded
My mother and me
Soon back together
You wait and see
I’ll be there with her
In paradise, home
Life everlasting
I’ll know and be known
Closer than ever
Death just a door
Into a new realm
More than before
Nearness unshackled
By sin and shame
Two souls communing
My loss is my gain
Only a breath
Between here and there
Until then collecting
Flowers to share
I’m gathering up, Mom
What I know you would like
How my family’s doing
What I’ve done with my life
You told me to write
To enjoy each new day
Good things are coming
You always would say
Grandchildren will bless you
Retirement, too
You and Daryl will prosper
You’ll see it’s true
Mama, I’ll cherish
Your words and your heart
Our special connection
Will carry me far
You’re now there waiting
To share with me
Your daily existence
In a land that is free
Unfettered devotion
Unexplainable love
You long to tell me
What it’s like up above
How Jesus has loved you
Just like I said
How every heartache
Every pain, every dread
Was gone in an instant
When you saw His face
Entering heaven
A miraculous place
I’ll be there shortly
My mother, dear friend
We’ll be together
Sharing life once again
June 20, 2021
Category: Family
Her Light
When she died I died. Not literally, but in many ways.
The light went out. The light that had kept me warm.
Night and day that light was there to shine on me, bringing love and joy and encouragement.
And now it’s gone dark. But not literally.
In reality, her light is shining brighter than ever in a place where there is no night.
No shadow. No darkness at all.
Just light.
Where her light is subsumed in that greater light.
Of God.
Of love.
For a time I can no longer feel its warmth. That light that was with me all my life.
But it still glows. Ever brighter and clearer and fuller.
Just not here.
With me.
Which is all I can see.
So darkness hovers.
Just there.
Haunting.
Taunting.
Tempting to despair.
Her light would show me a better way. Even now.
Look up.
Can you glimpse her light there?
Somewhere?
Just out of reach.
Behind the veil.
Of tears.
And time.
This life of mine.
Treading on in spite of the absence of that light.
That love.
It’s left me.
But above it shines. So bright.
And one day that light will shine on me again.
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Grief
Grief invades
And overtakes
Barreling into
Each moment awake
Grief demands
Attention here
Plummets me
Into despair
Grief the bully
Reminding me
Of the one I’ve been
The ones I’ve known
What if I stood
Up from the earth
To which I’m bent
And searched
Is there something
In grief’s end
That can become
A friend?
A teacher?
A guide?
Leading me to
What’s deeper inside
Exquisite pain
Of all things lost
Jesus hanging
On the cross
Bowed there
For a time
In agony and grief
That was mine
Only to see
Grief ends
For you
For me
Grief now tender
As made new
It renders
Hope
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Solid Ground in Troubled Times
“On Christ the solid rock I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.”
These words arose in my heart this morning as I was praying and pondering the condition of our country. A global pandemic, civil unrest, violent political division, and economic uncertainty swirled around in my mind.
Our nation has wound itself up into chaos. On the heels of those thoughts emerged the confidence that even though sometimes the world appears ready to spin us right off into space, there is solid ground in Jesus.
The words I recalled are from the hymn, My Hope is Built. It was written nearly two hundred years ago, in 1834, by a man named Edward Mote when he was 37. He had already endured significant personal difficulties and national upheaval in his life.
Born in poverty to parents that were struggling pub owners, he was neglected and left to roam the streets of London.
His family rejected religion, but Edward became a Christian at 15 when he heard a preacher for the first time. Before that he said he was so ignorant that he did not even know that there was a God.
During his early years, he had witnessed the rise and fall of the Emperor Napoleon in neighboring France and England’s war with the newly formed American colonies.
Locally, there was civil unrest over unfair labor practices, and the mass exodus of citizens from the crowded English cities into rural areas, changing the British economy significantly.
As an adult, Edward made his living by cabinet making until he was 55. At that point, he was offered a position as a minister which he gladly accepted, leaving his successful cabinet business.
He became a beloved pastor who never missed a Sunday in 21 years, finally resigning from the church in 1873 due to failing health. He died a year later at the age of 77.
His headstone at the church where he served reads, “In loving memory of Mr. Edward Mote … the beloved pastor of this church, preaching Christ and Him crucified, as all the sinner can need, and all the saint desire.”
Supported in the Flood
“On Christ the solid rock I stand.
All other ground is sinking sand.”
As I sang these words this morning, the first two verses bubble up into my mind. Then, wanting to sing the entire song, I looked up all the verses:
My Hope is Built
My hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus’ blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
but wholly lean on Jesus’ name
When darkness veils his lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
my anchor holds within the veil
His oath, His covenant, His blood
support me in the whelming flood
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
oh may I then in Him be found
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
faultless to stand before the throne
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
I often wonder what event, joy or heartache inspires people to write songs. As I continued exploring the history around Edward Mote’s lifetime, I discovered something surprising. Something that we can relate to as we battle the ravaging COVID-19 worldwide pandemic.
When Edward wrote The My Hope is Built in 1834, the world was in the throes of a global cholera pandemic. It was the second such outbreak, the first episode beginning in 1817 and ending in 1824. The initial occurrence did not reach England, staying mostly in Asia, but the second one did.
The second bout began in 1826 and by the time it ended, it had taken hundreds of thousands of lives worldwide, hitting hard in Edward’s neck of the woods.
Between 1831 and 1834, cholera killed over sixty thousand in England where the population was fourteen million. Three subsequent outbreaks in Edward’s lifetime took the lives of hundreds of thousands more.
How Hope is Built
When uncontrollable events occur, such as a pandemic, hurricane, the unexpected death of a loved one, or the loss of a job, it feels like we are losing our footing. It seems like we are at the mercy of whatever is coming against us to devastate us. And in a way, we are.
God sometimes allows us to experience the true instability of the world and its systems. He will expose human frailty and limitations.
Traumatic and destabilizing incidents show us that the only eternally solid place on which to build our lives is Jesus and his teachings. Our only security in pandemics, poverty, unstable relationships, traumatic loss, or ungodly governments is in him.
“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”
Matthew 7:24-27
Who would have thought that in 2020, scientists and medical professionals would not be able to stop a disease from ravaging every continent?
To date, this novel coronavirus has killed almost 100,000,000 people worldwide. That is a difficult number to even begin to comprehend and the future consequences from those deaths are yet unknown.
The Solid Rock
What a gift Edward Mote gave the world during another devastating pandemic in 1834.
My Hope is Built tells the story of the formidable love of God through Jesus that carries us to safety. It recalls for us the assurance and comfort we have through his protection, not only in the storms of this life, but forever.
We cannot put our faith in “progress”, doctors, vaccines, governments, social systems, or in ourselves. But there is hope! Lasting confidence, joyful anticipation of good, and profound comfort are found only in the person of Jesus and in building our lives on his words.
Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts…
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
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Darkness, Our Friend
In 2004 I walked through what some people might call a dark night of the soul.
Our family of four returned to California from crushing disappointment in Michigan after a failed business attempt. I struggled to understand.
Was it a mistake? We were sure that God sent us there to embark on new adventure for our family and with Christian friends.
A song by Jeremy Camp came out around that time. The chorus was,
I still believe in your holiness. I still believe in your truth. I still believe in your holy Word. Even when don’t see. I still believe.
I remember cry-singing these words to God as I lay face down on the cold tile floor in my bathroom. I spoke the words, but my heart felt like the tile under face where my tears gathered.
That failure and discouragement shook my lifelong paradigm that A + B = C. We follow God’s leading he is supposed to prosper us. If we obey, he blesses. That is what the Bible says, isn’t it?
When we returned to the safety of our home state of California, I could not wait to escape that cold, dark place my soul had become. I clamored for the security that is found in the light.
I ran to the safety of what one of my favorite authors, Barbara Brown Taylor calls “solar Christianity”. It is the relentless effort to brighten every dark and scary part of our existence, not permitting any dank corner of doubt or confusion to remain.
The church we ended up in had clearly designated lines of demarcation between light and dark. We implemented formulas that we were told were based on biblical truth. Do “this” and “that” will happen. Believe and speak the truth and all will be well. Tell the devil to flee and he will.
It was just what I craved in those murky days. But in hindsight, I’m not sure it was what I really needed.
When Darkness Remains
Doesn’t biblical truth include not knowing why things happen the way they do? Is there room for confusion and doubt to linger in our hearts instead of rushing them out the door? Does darkness have something to teach us if we would just let it sit and stay for a while?
The disciples that followed and loved Jesus could not comprehend that the ministry of their Teacher included the darkest day in history, where he was violently beaten and then crucified. They believed he came to save the world, but they were unable to see how the night of his death could be a part of that plan of salvation.
The glory of light is only appreciated after the darkness of night. Even as morning dawned on Resurrection Sunday to find Jesus had conquered the darkness of Good Friday, some of the nighttime remained. His closest friends saw him and touched him, but still did not comprehend his purpose.
Jesus chose not to speed them through their confusion and disappointment just because they were uncomfortable. But when the time was right many weeks later in that upper room in Jerusalem, the first of countless hearts were illuminated by the Holy Spirit who Jesus promised would guide his followers into the truth and reveal God’s mysteries.
We think of night and darkness as sinister and creepy. We fear what can happen in places where we have no idea what is around the next corner or even hiding right beside us. When we find ourselves in those places, we eagerly, sometimes frantically, plead for dawn or strain to see the light at the end of the tunnel so that we can escape.
But darkness existed before light did. Not only that, God chose not to eliminate the darkness altogether when he created the world. All he did was separated it from the light. (Genesis 1:2-5)
Why is that? Could it be that the dark periods in our lives, the times of confusion and disappointment, are just as necessary for our growth and eternal well-being as the times when all is bright? Isn’t it in the darkness that our senses are heightened and more attuned?
Seeing the Unseen
I rise early every morning, around five o’clock most days. I hear Georgia the cat meowing at my door hoping I will play fetch with her. It is dark at that hour no matter the season, but it is my favorite time of day.
Getting out of bed I do not turn on the light. I sit up, feel for my glasses and my phone on the side table. I reach out for my glass of water, hoping not to knock it over. That kind of fumble would force me to switch on the lamp to assess the damage and clean up, effectively ending my husband’s peaceful rest.
My sense of touch, hearing and even sight are leveraged as I strain to see what I cannot see, listen for signs of undisturbed sleep from my husband as I feel my way to the door.
If we are wise, we will similarly engage our spiritual senses during times in our lives when we do not understand what in the world God is doing. Normally, we turn on the light as soon as we can find it. But if we will allow the darkness to stay a while, we might find just what we need, even if it is not what we expect.
God does not promise that we will find the answers we seek while we are enveloped by the night seasons in our lives. We will bump into things and cause spills that need to be sopped up. But he tells us that we can find something much more satisfying. Jeremiah 29:11 is one of the most comforting scriptures in the Bible.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Two verses later in Jeremiah 29:13 we read,
“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”
If we will pray and seek him In the dark times of our lives, we will not necessarily find straightforward answers, but we will find him. And when we find him, the longing for answers fades as we are enveloped in the light of the presence of him who is the Way, the Truth and the Life.
The Promise of Everlasting Light
That’s what happened to the disciples. As they waited and prayed through their spiritual darkness, they were visited by tongues of fire resting on each of them. (Acts 2:1- 3) The Spirit of Light came to live in and with them, illuminating what was most important, transforming them into light bearers for our spiritually darkened world.
They finally had clarity about what God’s plan was, even if they did not have answers to every question and solutions to every problem.
The Lord did not eliminate all darkness from believers at Pentecost and he leaves us marinating in ours sometimes as well. He finds our uncertainty, and even our suffering, useful for reasons we may never fully understand.
But he promises that one day, when he has completed all he has planned for the earth, he will eradicate the night, and everything will be illuminated. He will be our Light and the only one we need.
And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever”.
Revelation 22:5
Until that day, there are lessons to be learned as we grope and stumble in the night hours of our pilgrimage on earth.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me, and the light become night around me” – even the darkness is not dark to You, but the night shines like the day, for darkness is as light to You.
Psalm 139:11-12
So, we can walk on, even in the dark night of the soul, seeking to find and to know our loving God more deeply. To him our night is as bright as the day and he will guide us home.
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3 Crucial Life Lessons from a Father’s Failure
He fell off his seat backward, broke his neck and died. That’s how life ended for Eli, the high priest.
I’ve read the story of Eli, his corrupt sons, the routing of the Israelites by the enemy Philistines and the capturing of the precious Ark of the Covenant many times.
But today when I read it, it made me cry. For Eli.
Even though this God-appointed priest seems to have started out well, Eli’s forty years in that position did not result in the godly legacy that he might have hoped for.
Failed Fatherhood
Eli’s sons were priests like their father. But the Bible calls them sons of Belial – worthless, good-for-nothings.
They did not know the Lord.
They stole from those who came to offer sacrifices.
They defiled the house of God by laying with the women who served there.
It appeared that they did whatever lustful thing they desired, robbing and abusing the people who came to worship and serve.
How did these rebellious sons get away with their debauchery? Sadly, Eli didn’t hinder them. All he did was warn them that their behavior was deadly, saying,
“If one man sins against another, God will mediate for him; but if a man sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?” (1 Samuel 2:25a).
But those words of warning did nothing to stop them and the Bible tells us why.
“But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for the Lord desired to put them to death.” (1 Samuel 2:25b)
Why did the Lord want to put them to death? It’s likely because Eli and his sons had been dishonoring God and the people for quite some time. Their time to repent was up.
God sent a prophet to rebuke Eli for putting his sons before God and making themselves fat with the choicest of every offering that the people brought to the sanctuary. God tells Eli that his bloodline will be cut off and his legacy ended in disgrace.
A Great Loss
Eli arrived at the end of his long life a weak, overweight, disgraced man. What sent him over the edge to death was the capturing of the Ark of the Covenant.
The enemy Philistines stole the precious presence of God from their midst. There was nothing left. Eli had been caring for the ark for forty years and now it was gone.
Now Eli was ninety-eight years old, and his eyes were set so that he could not see. The man said to Eli, “I am the one who came from the battle line. Indeed, I escaped from the battle line today.” And he said, “How did things go, my son?” Then the one who brought the news replied, “Israel has fled before the Philistines and there has also been a great slaughter among the people, and your two sons also, Hophni and Phinehas, are dead, and the ark of God has been taken.” When he mentioned the ark of God, Eli fell off the seat backward beside the gate, and his neck was broken and he died, for he was old and heavy. Thus he judged Israel forty years. (1 Samuel 3:15-18)
Eli failed.
He was gluttonous and greedy.
He raised sons who were lustful and treacherous.
He couldn’t protect the ark of God.
Eli lost.
He lost his opportunity to leave a legacy of holiness and fidelity to God.
He lost his sons who the Lord himself killed.
He lost the most precious object on the planet, the ark, the carrier of the presence of God.
He couldn’t control himself.
There are only a couple of times in the Bible that we read that someone is heavy. This is one of them. Eli ate more than the priest’s share of the offerings that the people brought.
He couldn’t control his sons.
Hophni and Phineas were adults, but they were ungodly priests whose behavior should never have been allowed to go on.
I never used to relate to Eli. I saw him as a man who make huge mistakes and paid for it. I saw him as weak but never anything like me. That has changed.
God’s Mercy in Our Weakness
Now that I’m older, and I’ve raised my two sons into adulthood, I see the story somewhat differently. I can relate to Eli’s mistakes.
Maybe I was too hard on my oldest son when he was a teenager.
Maybe I didn’t require enough of my youngest.
There were times when I lacked self-control and raised my voice.
Did I ever place them above the Lord in my heart?
It amazes me that God gives these tiny helpless humans to parents who are so imperfect. In our 20’s and 30’s we haven’t yet learned so many lessons that would make us better parents.
We still tend to be selfish, impatient and lacking compassion. It’s parenting that helps to mature us, but in the process our kids can get hurt.
It’s painful. The past can’t be changed.
I can ask for forgiveness. I can do things differently now. That’s all good. But I can’t alter the consequences that came from my choices.
My hope and peace come from knowing that God loves and forgives and works all things together for good for those who are called and who love him. (Romans 8:28).
I’m grateful for that promise because I need him to work out a lot!
As hard as it is to see my mistakes, it gives me empathy for people like Eli.
The Bible tells us about folks with less than stellar records on purpose.
We relate to their weakness.
We learn to ask for wisdom in our choices, so we avoid the same mistakes.
3 Life Lessons from Eli
- Love and honor God above everyone and everything. Eli and his sons put themselves before God.
Therefore the Lord, the God of Israel, declares: ‘I promised that your house and the house of your father should go in and out before me forever,’ but now the Lord declares: ‘Far be it from me, for those who honor me I will honor, and those who despise me shall be lightly esteemed. (1 Samuel 2:30)
And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. (Mark 12:30)
- Don’t wait to turn around. Eli and his sons didn’t turn from their sins.
And I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them. (1 Samuel 3:13)
For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. (2 Corinthians 7:10)
- Develop self-control. Eli and his sons didn’t restrain their lusts.
Why then do you scorn my sacrifices and my offerings that I commanded for my dwelling, and honor your sons above me by fattening yourselves on the choicest parts of every offering of my people Israel?’ (1 Samuel 2:29)
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23
There is Hope
Eli, Hophni and Phineas came to a terrible end.
Sadly, there are people all around us that go down the same road. We see it in the news and in our own backyard. But it doesn’t have to be that way!
If we will surrender our hearts to the Lord, he will give us the ability to love and honor him first and above all and not make our children into idols, serving them first.
The Holy Spirit will lovingly convict us of our sin so that we can repent and be set free from the burden and shame. One day at a time.
He will give us the fruit of self-control so that we do not fall into temptation.
There is always hope!
God sees, knows and cares. We can find encouragement in the fact that he will never stop working all things out for our good and for his glory.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. – Jeremiah 29:11-12
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The Source of True Strength
In our house, we have a multi-purpose room. What’s in there? My computer, printer, filing cabinet, stationary bicycle, a guitar and a 6-foot table sporting boxes of photographs as I’m working through scanning them all.
On the wall is a gun rack and a picture with a quote about faith from Corrie Ten Boom. It’s an eclectic room. One of the things that takes up the most space is my son’s weight bench, sidled by an intimidating stack of weights and two 20-pound dumbbells.
I can barely pick up any of the weights, while the men in my house pick them up like they are made of paper. The men in my house are a lot stronger than me.
But the strongest man who ever lived is someone we read about in the Bible in the book of Judges. His name was Samson.
The Strong Man
Samson was the deadliest threat that his enemies, the Philistines, had ever seen.
We pick up the story after he had humiliated their leaders with a riddle they couldn’t solve. He destroyed their grain fields by putting torches between the tails of 300 foxes, tying them together and sending them running through the fields.
He had broken through ropes like they were thread and killed 1,000 men with the jawbone of a donkey.
Samson had to be stopped.
After this he [Samson] loved a woman in the Valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah. And the lords of the Philistines came up to her and said to her, “Seduce him, and see where his great strength lies, and by what means we may overpower him, that we may bind him to humble him. And we will each give you 1,100 pieces of silver.” Judges 16:4-5
They couldn’t stop him with their hands, so they had to go through his heart. They promised a huge reward to Delilah if she could find out the secret to his strength. Delilah consented.
After a few tries, Samson finally spilled the beans. His strength lay in his uncut hair. That long hair was a symbol of the Nazirite. The evidence of his devotion to God.
Once his hair was gone, so was his might.
Of course, it wasn’t really his hair that made him strong. It was his relationship to God. A Nazirite was set apart for service to the Lord, not drinking wine or strong drink, and avoiding contact with dead bodies, eating according to the Mosaic Law.
By revealing to Delilah that his hair was the secret to his immense strength, Samson betrayed his vow to God and forfeited the blessings that came with it. Including his power to protect his people and himself.
The Weak Man
In verse five of chapter 16, the lords of the Philistines tell Delilah that they want her to “seduce him, and see where his great strength lies, and by what means we may overpower him, that we may bind him to humble him.”
The word translated “humble” is the Hebrew word “anah”, which can also be translated “humiliate”, “afflict”, “oppress” and includes the idea of browbeating and looking down upon someone.
Samson became a source of gloating and amusement for the Philistines after they cut off his hair and he became as powerless as they were. Samson’s foolish confession to a woman he loved resulted in the loss of his strength, honor, integrity and ultimately, his life.
In the end, God granted Samson one last act of power as he caused the building to collapse on the Philistines and himself. But he was defeated and humiliated. Just as the Philistines wanted.
True Strength
The true strength of a man is not in how much he can bench press or how tall he is. It doesn’t increase if he’s in law enforcement or if he’s a professional athlete. A man’s power is in his connection to God.
As long as Samson kept his vow to God to leave his hair uncut, he had whatever power he needed to defeat his enemies. After he broke his promise, he became the laughingstock of the region and has gone down in human history as a fool.
It’s a blessing to have strong men around the house to lift what I cannot. They open jar lids that are stuck, tote heavy boxes into the attic and move furniture around with ease.
But if there were no men in the house or they were not able to do these things, we could still get them done one way or another. That’s why jar-opening tools and hand trucks were created.
However, there is no substitute for a man whose life is devoted to God. The man who finds his strength in Him.
Wisdom, uprightness, faith, patience and perseverance show the true power of a man.
The man who stands firmly devoted to God even in temptation, is the man who will prosper and fulfill God’s unique and vital plan for his life.
Even if he’s no Mr. Universe.
“The way of the Lord is strength to the upright…” Proverbs 10:29a
“Let Your hand be upon the man of Your right hand, upon the son of man whom You made strong for Yourself.” Psalm 80:17
“You, therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 2:1
“A wise man is strong, yes, a man of knowledge increases strength. For by wise counsel you will wage your own war…” Proverbs 24:5-6a
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Silence the Voice Shame
They said he would come after me and they were right. He was waiting outside as I hesitantly emerged from the high school girls’ locker room. I was relieved to see a group of people there. Someone was sure to step in if they saw a seventeen-year-old boy harming a fourteen-year-old girl.
It all started a few days earlier when I said something to a mutual “friend” about a young man’s looks. It was a naïve, but derogatory, comment that my “friend” reported to him. I heard that he was going to confront me about it and put me in my place.
As I took a few steps out of the dark locker room into the brightness of that sunny day, this tough guy greeted me with a full-handed slap across my right cheek. I was totally shocked and in intense pain. As stunning as the assault was that no one lifted their voice or a finger to help me. I was alone, in pain and publicly humiliated. I heard no one defending me. The only voice I heard was the sinister voice of shame.
The Impact of Shame
The voice of shame tells us that we are something bad. It is different from the guilt that we feel when we do something bad. Shame may accompany guilt for a while and that is normal. But feelings of shame can linger long after an incident is over. Even after we have confessed and turned from our sin, if that was the issue. We can also feel a sense of embarrassment and shame for no apparent reason.
Shame can create an insatiable desire for approval. It provokes us to perform to please others. It keeps us from reporting our abusers. It causes us to fear exposure and rejection. Shame robs us of the joy of forgiveness. It can dominate our thoughts, shutting out the loving voice of the Holy Spirit. Shame has done all this to me, so I know how it operates.
The Story of My Shame
I started to believe that I was not good enough when I was a child. My dad was easily angered and did not allow opinions contrary to his. My four siblings teased me as the baby of the family. My peers criticized my looks, and I was always nearly the last to be chosen when teams were picked. Boys that I liked rejected me. Then that older boy slapped me, and no one stepped in. I could go on.
Early in my life I decided that something must be inherently wrong with me. Maybe you came to the same conclusion about yourself. That was shame talking to us.
Shame did not stop there in my life. After being married for only a few months when I was twenty-one, my new husband decided he was done with marriage, so I was out. Angry and hurt, I then pursued nearly any guy who would bother with me, even virtual strangers.
I know now that shame’s voice is what lured me into that dark place. I had given up on being loved and accepted, so I settled for the fleeting pleasure of being used for a while. I ended up with a stack of shame a mile high and very little hope.
But God graciously met me in that valley of despair. He loved me into his arms where I have found acceptance and comfort throughout the many years since. But shame still screams at me from time to time tempting me to listen to its lies.
A New Identity
A few days after that young man hit me when I was a freshman in high school, my older brother, who was a senior, enlisted a couple of his friends and confronted him about it. He never bothered me again. Knowing my big brother stood up for me helped to dull the sting of my shame.
Jesus is a loving big brother to those who put their faith in him. He stood up for us against shame on the cross and provides a way out of it for good. (Hebrews 2:11-15) But we must lay hold of that deliverance. One of the first steps to doing so is to deny what shame says and believe God instead.
The Bible is full of the good things God says about us. But those encouraging words can be hard to accept when we have listened to the degrading voice of shame all our lives. Sometimes pride can tempt us to hold onto our old familiar, shame-filled identity. We may get some strange pleasure out of feeling sorry for ourselves over the bad things we have experienced.
But if we humble ourselves, let go of the past and choose to believe God’s voice, we will hear about a wonderful, new identity. The identity that he gives us as his loved, honored, and accepted child.
Start to Silence Shame
God changes and heals us by many means: prayer, worship, fellowship and his Word. I believe that the Bible is the most reliable and stable of these. It is a rock that never changes. (Matthew 7:24) Meditating on it teaches us who God is and who we are. It lowers the volume of shame and increases the volume of the love of God.
Here are just a few simple but powerful, biblical truths we can meditate on to begin to silence shame:
- I am not ashamed. God says he removes the shame of my youth. (Isaiah 54:4)
- I do not have to hide from others. God invites me to hide in him and be safe. (Psalm 32:7)
- I am not rejected. God gladly chooses me and loves me. (Colossians 3:12)
- I am not dirty. God says I am completely clean. (Ephesians 5:26)
Shame is cruel. It belittles us and whispers that we are substandard. It sneers at us and makes us want to hide. Shame has a loud voice, but it does not have the last word.
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Unearth the Treasure in Your Trial
This article was originally published at Gospel-Centered Discipleship .
It was a dream come true. The perfect business opportunity came to us shortly after my husband was laid off his job due to company downsizing. We would have to relocate from our life-long home in sunny California to not-so-sunny Michigan, but I was completely on board.
So, we sold our home, packed up a house full of belongings, and headed east with bright-eyed anticipation for a new life. As a homeschooling mom, I was ecstatic because we would be living on five wooded acres. It was perfect for our home-learning lifestyle. We were convinced that the Lord was leading the way for our family. We fully expected not just to survive but to thrive.
However, along with the first bitterly cold winter in the suburbs of Detroit, came the stark reality that this endeavor was not heading in the direction we had planned. Unless the Lord worked a miracle, the whole plan would fail.
The Best Laid Plans . . .
My husband had always dreamed of going into business for himself. He had been in corporate leadership positions before, but never had enough clout to make a difference. He believed that if he had a chance to be a major decision-maker in a company, he could make the organization, and himself, a success.
This exact kind of opportunity presented itself when Christian friends from Michigan approached my husband with a brilliant business concept for a high-tech, nationwide identity verification system. Being the techie he is, my husband was thrilled. The business plan seemed tight. The partners had decades of business experience. The idea was a surefire win, and my husband would be the Chief Operations Officer.
But within six months, the partners’ vital connections in the industry failed. One of the partners reneged on his part of the funding, became combative with the other partners, and then dropped out. Things unraveled almost before they began. This business was going nowhere.
Looking back, we see our mistakes, bad judgment and ambition. We had foolishly put our hope in a set of circumstances, assuming God would bless them. At the time, though, all we saw were hopes dashed and dreams destroyed.
Between investing in the business and living off our savings for a year and a half, we ended up broke. Our marriage suffered. He tried getting another job in Michigan but couldn’t. My ideal home-learning lifestyle on our wooded acres would have to be abandoned. I felt like we were now out in the middle of nowhere, with no way home.
Confused by Contradiction
But through those excruciating days, I learned invaluable lessons that saved my sanity, my marriage, and my faith. All I could see all around me was a devastating loss, but God was clearing the path for far greater gain—a grander concept of who he is, and deeper insight into how he loves.
My biggest challenge was confusion over the apparent contradiction I was witnessing. We believed God directed us to make this huge move, and we obeyed. I thought that meant favorable circumstances and success would follow. Instead, we had financial trouble and marital conflict.
I blamed my husband. He had assured me the gigantic risk we were taking would pay off. I trusted him and followed him across the country to this desolate place. I knew in my mind that God hadn’t forsaken me, but I couldn’t reconcile what I was experiencing with what I expected.
I remember sitting shyly at the county government aid offices, waiting to be interviewed about my application to receive financial assistance. Not a soul in the world knew me there, but still, I wished I had worn a disguise. I was ashamed. But more than anything, I was desperate for help.
Doubting Disciples
I did receive help, including an attitude correction, from a story at the end of the fourth chapter of the Gospel of Mark. After a long day of ministry beside the sea, Jesus and the disciples set out across the water toward the country of the Gerasenes. Jesus told his friends where to aim the boat and then he laid down to rest.
When a violent windstorm suddenly arose, and water flooded their vessel, the disciples believed their lives were in danger. They woke Jesus, incredulous that he could sleep through such an emergency: “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” (Mark 4:38).
I imagine the disciples thought Jesus had abandoned them. He appeared to be ignoring their peril, after all. They might have questioned why in the world he would bring them out onto the water only to let them be overtaken by the violent waves and die. I could relate.
Painful, confusing circumstances challenge our belief in the imperishability of the love of God. They certainly challenged mine when things did not go our way in Michigan. The business was not taking off as expected and our savings were draining fast. Where did we go wrong?
I thought if we followed the Lord’s leading everything would work out. I was tempted, like the frightened disciples, to question God’s tender care. Despite their doubt, the disciples were treated to an astonishing demonstration of power and authority as Jesus quickly calmed that storm on the Sea of Galilee: “And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm” (Mark 4:39).
Jesus has all authority to command the wind and the waves. Thunderstorms are at his command. They subside merely at his word. However, I have found that the Lord typically doesn’t deliver us from trouble as speedily as he did that day. When he chooses not to rescue us right away, he has something greater for us right there amidst our storm.
A Life-Raft in the Storm
After Jesus calmed the wind and waves, he asked the disciples two piercing questions: “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” (Mark 4:40).
These men spent a lot of time with Jesus and witnessed astonishing things. They recently watched him cleanse lepers and heal a paralytic’s body and a man’s withered hand. They heard him stand up to the hypocrisy of the Pharisees and cast out demons with authority. Yet they still did not understand who he was, and how much he cared for them.
In my fear and doubt during our rough seas in Michigan, I sensed Jesus asking me the same, probing, doubt-revealing questions about my lack of faith that he asked the disciples. Why are you so afraid, Marie? Have you still no faith?
I searched my Bible for a life preserver of understanding. I started to grasp that “all things working together for good” includes our sins and the sins of others against us (Rom. 8:28). When our decisions lead to our hardship, God promises to turn it around for good! Because of this, we really have no reason to torture ourselves with “what-ifs” when our choices lead to trials. There is no reason to blame others.
Slowly, it ceased to matter what went wrong, or whether we heard God correctly in going to Michigan. I started to comprehend that God’s plan encompasses even our fumbling missteps. Even—and perhaps especially—through our sins, mistakes, and bad decisions, he is transforming us into glorious images of Jesus (2 Cor. 3:15-18; Rom. 8:29; Phil. 3:21), bringing him pure delight (Luke 12:32; John 15:8-11; Col. 1:19-22). He’s always working for our ultimate good and for his eternal glory (Isa. 48:11; Rom. 8:28-29; 11:36).
Takeaway Treasure
We never did realize the exciting, new life in Michigan we had envisioned. In his mercy, the Lord opened a job opportunity for my husband back home in California, so we moved back and started over. As insufferable as that season seemed, I am grateful for it. My spiritual life and my marriage are both stronger because of what God did in and through me during that time.
That testing forged unwavering faith and godly hope in me. I learned how to trust Jesus in the middle of my storm and ride it out to the end, holding fast to him and his promises (Heb. 10:23). I learned to accept the bumps and tumbles of my life.
Next time the wind and the waves rise in your life, instead of praying for a quick rescue, consider resisting the doubts, the fears, and the desperate desire to escape. Instead, hold fast to God’s promises. Treasure them through the turmoil. Be assured that he is sovereign and he is good.
Jesus Christ is at rest in your boat, and all is well.
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Preschool Must-Have’s! Top Tips for Choosing the Right Preschool
Your kids are the most precious people in the world to you! At first, it’s hard to imagine giving them to a stranger to care for, isn’t it?
My first experience with preschool was traumatic! I don’t mean when I went to preschool, I mean when my first son did. I was a mess!
There he was, standing at the window waving goodbye while crying his eyes out. I plastered a smile on my face, waved back, got in my car and drove away. Then I let it all out and cried my eyes out, too!
He had a hard time there, so we moved him to another preschool that we were all very happy with. It was some work finding the right one, but it was worth it!
Where our children go to preschool is REALLY important! They are a critical time in their early development. Both positive and negative emotional experiences have lasting impact.
So, it pays to do our due diligence before we decide on preschool. There a lot of great ones out there but also some that aren’t so great.
Once you have a potential school picked out, I strongly suggest doing a classroom observation. A couple of hours or more would be great.
It’s true that a teacher might be on guard if you’re there, however, you can still get a sense of whether the children are happy and if the teacher has created a positive atmosphere.
“Must Have’s” for Any Preschool
DOWNLOAD MY FREE PRESCHOOL MUST-HAVE’S CHECKLIST!
Must Have’s – Preschool Teachers
Are they kind?
Are they patient?
Do they smile?
Do they use positive discipline and redirection instead of yelling, “Don’t!” or “Stop it!”?
Do they use positive verbal guidance instead of just demanding things from the children?
Do they get down on the child’s level when addressing them?
Do they listen to the child’s concerns and help them come up with solutions?
Do they use positive reinforcement of good behavior?
Will they allow observation?
Will they let you stay with your child for a while at first?
Must Have’s – Safety
Outlets covered or out of reach, all cleaning products in locked storage cabinets, no broken tiles or torn carpets that might cause tripping, temperature well controlled, exterior doors that children can’t unlock, bookcases and other climbable furniture bolted to walls or floor, clean sinks, surfaces and toys.
Must Have’s – the Classroom
Most preschool classrooms are organized into centers and a good preschool will have a combination of some or all of these, with variations, of course. I’ve offered examples of some of the equipment and toys that any preschool should have. They are also fantastic for your your home! As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Art Center
Table, easel, paints, paper, staplers, scissors, markers, crayons, glue, seasonal items for holidays, etc.
Music center
Rhythm sticks, cymbals, triangles, bells, drums, autoharp, scarves for movement to music
Science/Discovery Center
Plants, rocks, shells, magnifying glass, balance scales, aquarium, animal/insect cage, small appliances to take apart and explore.
Manipulative Center
Puzzles, open ended toys like Lego or other connecting bricks, collections like keys for sorting, buttons, matching games
Reading Center
Picture books, phonics, first readers, classics, nursery rhymes, books with themes such as colors, shapes, and numbers. (Visit my Usborne Books & More for great children’s books for your home or your child’s preschool!)
Block Center
Wooden unit blocks, hollow cardboard bricks, plus farm animals, small vehicles, etc. to go along with them. Rug for added fun and to keep the noise down.
Housekeeping Center
Child-sized sink, stove, refrigerator, cupboard, pretend foods, dishes, cups, cutlery, pots/pans, telephone, broom and dustpan.
Dramatic Play Center
Dress-up clothes, hats, mirror, dolls and doll beds, armoire/dresser, coat rack.
Other centers ideas: workbench, sand/water play, writing, computer.
Must Have’s – Outdoors
There should be at least 75 square feet of play area for each child surrounded by a sturdy fence. If there is a gate, it’s locked, and children are unable to get out. All equipment in working order with no hazardous areas.
Look for a grassy area and a paved area, climbing equipment of the appropriate size, balls, hoops, ropes, sand/water play, garden, digging toys, ground level balance path/beam, play house, wheeled toys, messy art materials.
DOWNLOAD MY FREE PRESCHOOL MUST-HAVE’S CHECKLIST!
Follow Your Instincts
If you find a preschool that fits the criteria, great job! It might be worth a try. However, always follow your mom instincts. If you don’t feel good about it, even if it fits the basic criteria, move on! There may be something out of whack that you can’t see.
When your child starts the new preschool, stay with them for a while, helping them adjust. If they cry when you leave, it’s normal.
However, if they continue crying long after you’ve gone or every time you leave them there for weeks, I’d consider taking them out. They might not be ready, or you just may need to try a different school like we did.
Remember, there is no rush!! Trust the instincts God gave you as a mom. Enjoy watching your child succeed in his new adventure!
You may want to read my post: 10 Things to Say to Preschoolers to Give Them Courage and Confidence. I tell you how to prepare your child for new adventures.
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A Settled Heart 